"Do you know what happens to children who don't pay attention in school?"
I will ask my future offspring. “They get stuck on a migrant labor bus sitting next to nets of live crustaceans that are actively trying to harm you. That’s what happens kids, I can speak from experience, now do your homework.” As I sit writing this I fear gravely for my right pinky.
I made a mistake. Or rather I made a series of mistakes. One in particular is quite common with foreigners in China. The Chinese language is a tonal one, meaning one word, said with 4 different inflections can mean 4 different things. For instance ma (1st tone) is mother, ma (3rd tone) is horse. See where things can get tricky? At any rate, I had just spent a wonderful weekend for our FitHearts Foundation in a village outside of Taizhou (3rd tone). It was an assessment trip to speak with school administrators to see how we could help and to participate in sport with the kids to get them excited about coming to school. We wrapped up Sunday morning and began to make our way back to Shanghai with the International School we had tagged along with to facilitate our first trip. Anxious to get back to Shanghai for dinner I took matters in to my own hands and decided to take the train back to shave a few hours off the journey. I opened my Ctrip app and seamlessly bought my ticket from Taizhou (1st tone) to Shanghai.
Bag and ticket purchase confidently in hand I made my way to the main road to find a taxi. Turns out there were significantly more tuk tuks than taxis. The tuk tuk driver drove a hard bargain but I decided that was probably not the best way to get to the station. Instead I found a man sleeping in his car, knocked on his window and asked if I could hitch a ride. I am confident in any other country that this method would work just as splendidly. By the end of our journey 笑看风元 and I had become wechat friends aka lifelong friends and I promised him I would let him know next time I was in town. He wished me a safe journey as he drove off.
Strolling up to the ticket counter I showed my passport and booking confirmation and requested my ticket. From Taizhou (1st tone)? The agent asked. “Yes! Of course” I replied. Without skipping a beat she handed me my ticket. With plenty of time to spare I wandered over to a stand and spent my remaining RMB on eggs as I impressed people left and right with my impeccable Chinese. Once at check in, I was stopped by the security guard- “You need to buy a ticket” he said. But good sir you must be mistaken this IS my ticket. “That is a ticket from Taizhou (1st tone) not Taizhou (3rd tone). We are in Taizhou (3rd tone).”
Running back to the ticket office I asked for the next train from Taizhou (3rd tone) to Shanghai. “We don’t run trains to Shanghai.” I scanned the schedule. Sure enough- Chengdu? Haode. Nanjing? Keyi. Shanghai? Meiyou. I ran outside clearly flustered into the bright afternoon light you only get in a country with no ozone layer. My new friends at the egg stand asked me what was wrong. I showed them my ticket. “Ohhhhh you need to go to Taizhou (1st tone)!” Is that Taizhou close? I stammered Can you get me there in 30 minutes? “Why do you need to be there in 30 minutes? Your train doesn’t leave until November 5th.” It was October 5th. Check mate, China.
After a few more minuets I convinced them I actually did not want to go to Taizhou (1st tone) at alI. I just wanted to get back to Shanghai as quickly as possible. I asked my new friend if he could drive me . He said he’d help me. As we all know in China that means he’d help me for a nominal fee. He motioned for me to follow him and so I did. Out of the station, up the street to a random bench outside of the woods. I was starting to lose trust in my new friend as he yelled local dialect in to his phone. “Just a moment Just a moment!’ he would interject reassuring me.
About 2 minutes later a massive brown bus came rumbling around the bend. The door opened and he demanded 200 RMB. Where is this bus going? How long is the trip? Who are these people? I opened my wallet – 20 Thai Baht and 5 USD. “Do you accept Alipay?” I asked. He was not pleased with my questions. The bus driver was growing increasingly impatient. As the three of us yelled at each other as to how who would pay who the bus driver fed up with it all hit the gas. With one foot in the door and the other grabbing the stair railing I did my best to look like a broadway star as the bus sped off. To where and with whom, I did not yet know.
I boarded and took a moment to soak it all in. I walked down the aisle trying to find a seat but all I found was baffled open mouth stares. This was like the one time I tried to make friends in a Bondi hostel by bringing them craft beer. I had clearly never done this before. Although the bus was packed to the brim with people heading in to the city to work for the week I found one open seat towards the front. I sat down and quickly realized why it was open. The chair and ground next to me was covered in bags of live crabs. Cherry on top- I’m allergic to shellfish. I had opted out of a very nice bus because I was impatient to get home for dinner, and was now on a very not nice bus sitting next to someone’s soon to be dinner. I asked a few Ayi’s where we were going. Shanghai- good. What time will we get there? Inconclusive. I still don’t know.
So, here I find myself writing this down as I settle in to the long journey to home, laughing at the absurdity of it all. Assuming I make it without going in to anaphylactic shock, I hope you have a good read and learn a lesson or two. Mainly- don’t just show up in life. Pay attention to the details and be active and attentive in all that you do. And whatever you do, remember kids, stay in school and you can learn to write about your life’s journey. Pay attention in school and your journey will be a whole lot less complicated.
Update:
Not only did I survive to tell the tale, but I still managed to beat the other bus back to Shanghai. Forget what I said, kids - go out and have an adventure, more often than not you'll be happy you did. If you don't know, now you know.
